|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| JOKE OF THE DAY
A somewhat naive farmer was driving down a country road and spotted the most beautiful horse he'd ever seen, standing in the middle of a pasture. The farmer slammed on his brakes and stopped to have a quick look.
"I must buy that horse!" he said to himself and immediately went in search of the owner. He came upon a nearby farmhouse and knocked on the door.
"Are you the owner of that magnificent animal in that pasture back there?" he asked.
"Yes" replied the naive farmer.
"Then I simply must buy him from you."
"I cannot sell him, he doesn't look so good," the owner replied.
"What do you mean?" He's the most beautiful horse I've ever laid my eyes on."
"Ok, if you insist," answered the owner. "Does a thousand dollars sound ok?"
The farmer loaded the animal into his pickup truck and drove happily off. A few days later, the farmer drove back to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. The man who had sold him the beast, came to the door.
The farmer shouted, "YOU RIPPED ME OFF! THAT HORSE IS AS BLIND AS A BAT!!!"
"I TOLD YOU he didn't look so good," said the seller!!  | | |
| Take what you want
Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."  | | |
| Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Annie Reed: Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.
[Jay is helping Sam get back into the dating scene.] Sam Baldwin: What is "tiramisu"? Jay: You'll find out. Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it? Jay: You'll see! Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is!
Jay: Gunga Din is not a, a swatch kind of movie.
Annie Reed: Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was... Becky: A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.
Becky: Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble.
Jonah Baldwin: Talk to her, dad. She's a doctor. Sam Baldwin: Of what? Her first name could be Doctor.
Jay: Well, this is fate! She's divorced, we don't want to redo the cabinets, and you need a wife. What do they call it when everything intersects? Sam Baldwin: The Bermuda Triangle.
Jonah Baldwin: Thanks for dinner. I'ver never seen potatoes cooked like that before.
[The Taxi Driver takes Jonah to the Empire State Building] Taxi Driver: There it is. What are you gonna do when you get up there? Spit off the top?
Annie Reed: When a man is a widower why do we say he was widowed? Why don't we say he was widowered?
Walter: Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expections into it.
| | |
| Finished another round of golf. The Adult/Junior Tournament!! Felt so good today.  Played one of my best rounds ever since....i dunno when!! Made par on the first hole and then birdie on the next. Throw in a couple consecutive pars. I was one over after 9 holes. Pretty impressive...(that's wat i thought). Always, the bak nine will screw me up. After the first three holes of the bak nine, i thought it was another screwed up round. Going bogey, bogey, double. Then, i realized that i have 6 more holes to go and i can savage it by making par on all of them. I was quite determined to do so because if i do, it would be the best round of golf in my entire golfing career. I managed to accomplish that feat up to the last hole. On that last hole, the mental side of golf took over. I was so excited that i was gonna shoot one of my best rounds of golf.  To that end, i lost focus of wat i was doing and made 2 stupid mistakes and ended up shooting my lowest round of golf for this season instead.  In the bak of my mind, i knew that it was an opportunity missed to shoot a career low because not everyday u get a chance to go into the 18th hole 5 over par. Once again i cannot dwell on the past. The positive side to this round of golf was that our team won 1st place, plus a couple KP's.  I was quite happy with the teams tremedous showing in this tournament. One amazing thing was that we won first place without having any low handicap players. All of us were okay players.... not the best.....not the worst either. All 4 of us had great rounds of golf which led us to victory!! Still i must continue to improve and conquer one of golf's most hated enemy....DISTRACTIONS!!!  | | |
|
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint
it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than
100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can then conclude with mathematical
certainty that While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top
| | |
|
